What’s up, lowlifes? It’s me, famend previous man, horror movie director, and grasp of low-cost methods John Carpenter. Are you prepared for one more one among my basic teases? the drill by now, I’m certain. It’s time for me to step into an interview, point out a bunch of miscellaneous video video games I’ve been taking part in in my retirement, then vaguely allude to the concept I presumably would perhaps wish to adapt a movie model of one among them sooner or later sooner or later whilst you cats all lose your heads about it. I’d even point out video games I haven’t performed, and I’ll simply say I’ve heard of them to tease you! The vital factor is that my title will get jumbled up with them within the massive website positioning machine, in fact, and I believe I’m about able to get began. Alright people, right here we go. Journos, in your marks! Get these article-writing fingers prepared, I’m gonna make it actual simple so that you can wring just a few listicles out of my sport ramblings!
Let me rattle off just a few classics first: Sonic the Hedgehog, Fallout, and naturally, Lifeless Area. Boy, isn’t it one thing to listen to these phrases bounce round in your head related to my title? Are you able to think about my voice saying them? What a pleasant thought that’s, your previous pal John making a scary alien image once more starring Isaac from Lifeless Area. You’d like that wouldn’t you? Preserve dreaming, sucker. Transferring on.
Let’s get a bit more moderen on this part. How about that Vampire Survivors factor? I made a film about vampires, there’s some dots value connecting there. Hell, I’d say that alone is purpose sufficient so that you can wildly presume I might make a Vampire Survivors movie. By no means thoughts the licensing, script growth, and financiers – all that may be a bunch of malarkey! If there’s one factor individuals suppose they know in regards to the leisure trade, it’s that free, vaguely believable connections in viral headlines that pattern on-line for per week are all it is advisable make a film! Bunch of morons.
Simply gonna throw warning to the wind right here: anybody bear in mind Buck Bumble? I’d simply like to make that into an image. I can see it now, it’ll be just like the bugs from Prince of Darkness crossed with Massive Hassle in Little China. If solely I had a script! Say, in the event you’ve acquired one kicking round, simply ship it to me. I’m well-known, I’ve acquired cash, I could make something occur. Hearth it off to [email protected] My individuals will name your individuals.
Oh, right here’s a curveball: Steel Gear Strong. Wouldn’t that simply be an everyday mindfuck? Wouldn’t that simply get that ol’ Luc Besson’s panties all in a twist? Image an Instagram publish with one ominous photograph of me, Kurt Russel, and that Hideo Kojima fella in a boardroom, all smiles, shaking arms, after which BLAMMO — none of us will ever point out it once more. Let me inform you, I beloved my time making footage, however nothing would convey me extra pleasure than to see you fucking rubes do backflips over that one.
Nicely, that’s all she wrote this time, youngsters. Sorry to disappoint everybody that hoped I’d point out Marvel and Scorsese by the point I used to be carried out right here, however I’ll go away that to the commenters to invest about. Time for me to look at the Lakers and smoke weed in my home ‘til I die. Sayonara, assholes!