Nintendo Publicizes All Nonetheless-Functioning Wiis Will Self Destruct in 2023
REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo has induced controversy by asserting that any Nintendo Wii that’s nonetheless in working order will incinerate upon an upcoming date subsequent 12 months.
“On account of altering requirements within the gaming trade and higher {hardware} being accessible, we expect it’s greatest if each single Wii that’s nonetheless in good working order simply bursts into flames someday subsequent 12 months,” mentioned Doug Bowser, President of Nintendo of America. Simply melting and taking pictures elements throughout throughout the room. As soon as we get this new Swap Sports activities sport out, we actually don’t need anybody having fun with a previous model of it. I’m positive you perceive.”
The announcement was met with the predictable reception of cynicism that appears to greet most Nintendo information as of late.
“Why doesn’t this shock me,” mentioned Gordon Corridor, a involved Nintendo fan. “Between suing followers that make video games, stopping Melee tournaments from occurring, and shutting down the 3DS and Wii U shops, Nintendo actually looks as if it’s doing every little thing it will possibly to alienate each fan of theirs. In the event that they hadn’t made 7 of my 10 favourite video games I’d in all probability cease supporting them. These absolute bastards.”
Along with the normal gaming demographics, the Nintendo Wii’s movement controls and recreations of well-liked sports activities like bowling and golf made it well-liked amongst aged players, an element many are contemplating Nintendo to take into accounts earlier than they voluntarily explode any of the 100 million items bought which might be nonetheless working.
“Nintendo doesn’t care what we expect,” mentioned Elena Hacklethorpe, a gaming journalist. “By no means have, by no means will. They know what they’re doing. They know what number of nursing properties nonetheless have Wiis put in in rec rooms. In the event that they do what they’re threatening to do, their signature brilliant pink emblem will not remind me of Mario’s hat and as a substitute the blood of my grandparents. It is going to be on their fingers. I want they’d be a standard firm only one time.”
As of press time, Nintendo revealed they had been arduous at work determining how they had been going to get you to purchase entry to Tremendous Mario Bros. 3 for a sixth time.
